BusinessHABDo you have any idea how expectations are going to play into your relationship? If you’re like most people, you probably have a lot of them. You might expect your spouse to do this or that, be more friendly or more affectionate, pay more attention to you, or stay at home with the kids while you go out.
But what if those expectations don’t match up with reality? What if your partner isn’t living up to the standards you once set for each other? It might be hard for one person in a long-term relationship, but it’s even harder when that person is not just the other partner in a marriage — but also the one being loved and cherished.
If your spouse doesn’t measure up to your high expectations, it can cause problems in many different ways. You may not feel like there’s anything left to build on after a breakup, but trust me — giving yourself permission to lower your standards for someone else can be one of the best things you can do for yourself and your relationship.
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How Expectations Play Into Your Relationship
When you first start dating someone, it can be difficult to know where your partner’s expectations come from and what they mean for the relationship. You don’t know if he expects you to cook or clean the house every night, or if he just wants a relationship that’s focused on sex.
If you’re like most people, you have some pretty high expectations for your future relationship. But even though getting hitched is often viewed as a big deal, expectations are something we shouldn’t place too much faith in. Especially when it comes to marriage. Because what happens after that “big day” isn’t necessarily as important as how we plan our date night beforehand.
Read on discover what marriage expectations can do to spoil a great first date, and rediscover the importance of setting realistic goals in your own relationship!
The word “expectation” brings to mind images of spoiled kids living in McMansions and being waited on hand and foot. But the concept is really simple. A relationship doesn’t work when one party isn’t willing to put out for the other. Both parties need to be committed, positive, and productive participants in the relationship. When one person isn’t giving their partner any room for growth or expectations, it leaves the other party feeling like they aren’t a good match for them. Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen often – especially when both people are committed to working on their relationship. So how can you make sure that your expectations are reasonable? Here are some red flags that might indicate that your expectations are unrealistic:
You Expect Your Partner To Be Perfect
Don’t be afraid to set expectations that are realistic for both of you. If you have a friend who complains about their partner constantly changing, you need to remember that the same goes for you. You’re both going to make mistakes. You’re both going to make mistakes that other people will see. But it doesn’t mean that every mistake you make is going to be pointed out to the other person. Try to be open-minded about it and try not to get too upset about it. You don’t know why your partner is being picky or what their expectations are – other than that they are expectations. Everyone is different, and everyone has different expectations, so don’t get too hung up on what other people expect from you. Everyone’s expectations are different and they don’t all mean the same thing.
You Expect Your Partner To Change
Don’t put pressure on your partner to change when they’re not ready. They might be struggling with something right now and you should respect their boundaries even if they don’t respect yours. You don’t have to agree with everything that your partner does or says. You can respectfully disagree with things that you don’t agree with even if you think those things are wrong. Be patient with your partner as they figure out what works best for them and what doesn’t. Let them lead the way.
You Have Too Many Expectations
This can happen when you try to do too much for your partner. They may not want to do everything that you want them to do, or they may not have the energy for it. If you have an expectation for each and every little thing, neither one of you will be happy. You might expect your partner to iron your clothes when they’re sick, but when they’re feeling well, they can go to the grocery store and do their own shopping. By overloading your partner, you’re probably asking them to do more than they’re willing to accept. There’s a reason we have boundaries: so that we can save our energy for our own happiness and our relationship. When you try to save your energy for the both of you, you aren’t being productive in any way.
You’re Very Set In Your Ways
This one may surprise you, but YES! It can happen! We all have our habits and our ways of doing things. If your partner doesn’t like to cook because they don’t like to put “work into” it, or your partner always wants to go to the gym after work, it’s important to remember that there’s a reason for those habits and preferences and not to hold them against your partner. What’s important is that you respect your partner’s ways and try your best to adjust your ways to fit your partner’s preferences. Getting in touch with your habits and letting them go when you want to, is the first step.
You Don’t Talk About The Issues That Are Important To You
This one is kind of cheating, but it’s also super serious. One of the most important things in a relationship is communication – both verbal and non-verbal. If you’re not communicating what you want, need, or want to see happen in your relationship, you’re going to have a lot of problems. Your partner may not be aware of what’s happening in your life that you don’t want them to know about, or what you don’t want them to know about you. If you don’t want them to know about certain things, say it out loud so that you can both be accountable for it.
Conclusion
Now that you know the signs that your expectations are unrealistic, it’s time to work on adjusting them. If you keep letting your expectations get in the way of the relationship, you’re going to be frustrated, unhappy, and perhaps even miss out on some great experiences. Adjust your expectations so that they’re reasonable and you both feel lucky to be in this relationship. You can do that – and have fun doing it!
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